The Old Ways

Ode to Comcast...

2007-12-28T14:46:00.000-06:00

Comcast sucks.
Comcast internet service is spotty at best.
Comcast internet service is always slow.
Comcast rips off customers by charging them an arm and a leg for bad service.
Comcast is a horrible company.
Comcast sucks.

We are Complicit In the Murder of Benazir Bhutto

2007-12-27T16:10:00.000-06:00

Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today. We, the Citizens of the United State, have tolerated our government's pandering to the dictator Mushareff. The U.S. government has enabled, empowered, and fully funded this dictator. The government that inhabits Washington, DC is complicit in this woman's death. The president gives lip service toward principles of a republic such as ours, and that is it. To correct my fellow ignorant citizens who love that word "democracy", which is incorrect in reference to the United States. The United States of America is a republic. Politicians find the principles of a republic repulsive because it means they have to be fair to all citizens whether they agree with them or not. Politicians use the word democracy, because it appeals to the majority only, and is contrary to freedom. Democracies can be dictatorships in their own way. A democracy can dictate by mob rule. The majority is not obligated to protect all citizens, just their own butts. Sound familiar....our very own politicians. Mushareff and Bush viewed this woman as a tool to control the mob for the sake of their own power. They wanted to use her, but not directly engage or protect her. Now we see what happens when you are viewed as an inconvenient tool to those in power.

Bigotry at Blizzard ( World of Warcraft )...We don't allow confident feminine boys around this joint!

2006-11-27T10:34:00.000-06:00

OK. I barely tolerate Blizzard now. It is a shame I used to somewhat like them after they stood up and said they wouldn't tolerate homophobia after a GM harassed a player for advertising a "GLBT Friendly Guild." So I gave them a few points for doing the right thing for a change. Now I take those points back.

I will not rehash the whole story because it is not necessary but instead will post a link to an article about this controversy.

Blood Elves Declared Too Femme, Put on Steroids

Here is a quote I thought appropriate out there on the message boards, "you've taken characters that were previously more like sensitive, artsy types and made them look like hulk hogan in drag. bravo."

As some have pointed out it seems Blizzard doesn't want to upset the general homophobic mindset of their male players.

With their upcoming expansion they were going to have something unheard of for Blizzard, beautiful males characters. The male models in the game at current are "butch muscle heads", which equals to being manly with Blizzard apparently, and ugly as sin in the face. The new male blood elves were going to be average to thin in terms of body type ( not a muscle head ) and have nice faces. They could be considered pretty. They are supposed to be sassy even. One of the male blood elf emotes has the male blood elf saying something along the lines of "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me." I couldn't wait! Now I can...

What is wrong with having a hero that is skinny or average? Harry Potter is a modern day example! What is wrong with having a male that is sassy or effeminate? Do these things make them less a man? Not to me! Blizzard thinks differently. Here is a link to the official Blizzard response on what makes a character manly in their game.

Blizzard please reconsider these changes! Bring back the sassy non-traditional male blood elves! Give us our skinny male survivors who become heroes! Give men and women something nice and out of the box to look at! Stop catering to bigoty homophobic straight boys exclusively. Women and GLBT folks are in your game and compose a large section of the population in WOW whether you like it or not! Toss us a damn crumb you bigots of Blizzard!

Note: I need to make a small point. Blizzard had indicated that Blood Elves were suppose to be the "pretty race" for the Horde side of WOW. That is where my annoyance with them comes from. I mean...why even have the blood elf males like this if they aren't part of the pretty. I mean...they look like bleach blond Night Elves with the same ugly pinched faces now, as if they smell something bad. Funny...the girl blood elves are still slender, beautiful and well endowed chest wise as all the other females in the game. That is where the sexist bigotry comes in...the developers pander only to homophobic straight boy desires...not anyone else.

Freedom!?!? Not Anymore!!!

2006-11-13T11:06:00.000-06:00

So True! I hate Governor Bush! When the republican Supreme Court Anointed him King George IV in 2000 and created a monarchy in this country my citizenship, what little I had as a 3rd class citizen (ie: homosexual), was stripped from me and freedom went out the window! The man disgusts me! He puts religion before freedom. Know this! Freedom when it comes first allows all people to have lives they determine alone and without interference but....when religion comes first then it bestows nothing but social control and denies all freedoms except to those chosen few who portion it out to you like scraps! I hope with this upcoming year that the Democrats can force upon the monarchy of America some little tiny bit of oversight! I hope one day the theocratic monarchy of the Divided States of America falls and burns! Revolution! Rise up and remove the monarchy from American soil! A tea party anyone?

Remember this...The founding fathers fought and won our freedoms. OUR Freedoms! They gave the freedoms into our hands...not the governments! They knew once government got their hands on our freedoms that it was the end and well it is turning out to be true! Encourage your local scum politician to stop making laws and voting on anything that can interfere with freedom, whether you like that freedom or not! Freedom isn't supposed to be in the realm of good! Freedom is supposed to be neutral allowing all to live freely while being able to live together in a peaceful manner. You can't truly have freedom unless someone practices freedom in a way you don't like without interference from you or the law! That means you have to be able to say "Freedom comes with a price...it doesn't act the way I want all the time and I must accept that I can loose my freedom when I deny other people theirs!"

Just a simple word on laws! A law banning and providing legal consequences for murder is sensible! You won't find disagreement! Laws forbidding love and acts that harm no one aren't sensible and actively interfere with freedom and destroy our very constitution and rights! One day those non-sensible laws will turn around and bite you! Laws are a dime a dozen when they are not sensible! They are simply social control by anti-freedom forces( Any of the political parties of America are a good example of those forces ). They are like promises. Meant to be broken! No one will tell me how to love...ever!

Blogger Beta?? Eh...

2006-09-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

Today I converted my blog over to the beta.blogger.com test site to administer my blog. I am not posting much these days so it really doesn't matter I guess, but I figured I would give it a test run. It is ok. Not much different than the old blogger. There are a few nice tools to help you in sprucing up your blog but not enough to call this a whole new blogger.com. I would call it more along the lines of Blogger.com 1.5.

Fall semester has started out fairly well for me. I am holding ok grades at the time of this posting.

My student group GLBA, Gay Lesbian Bisexual Alliance, has been doing nicely this semester. We have been having nice sized meetings and as a result lots of fun!

I rented two DVDs to enjoy over the weekend. The first one is "Adam and Steve." The second one is "Gay Sex in the 70's". I will post back on them later after I have watched them.

What an Experience!

2006-08-11T16:42:00.000-05:00

Well my summer of hell is over with! Here is a small list of things I experienced over the summer.

I made an "A" in music for elementary educators. I had to learn to play a recorder(flute thing) in 4 weeks. I had to play 3 songs of my choice and one site read of an unknown piece of music! The course grade says it all.

My easiest course of the summer was math for elementary educators. I made an "A", a 110 average or so. I didn't even have to work at it!

My hardest course of the summer was Trigonometry. Ask anyone who was around me, I was horrid. I suffered and the folks around me knew it. I hated it! Trig is a plague upon the earth! I made a "B." I don't know whether to cry or celebrate. The grade is fine. My GPA has been pretty much preserved but I suffered to get it.

I took the Praxis II for teachers. I haven't heard back on my results yet. Other than my degree work this is the last standardized test I have to take to become a teacher. I have done all the other non-school requirements and passed them with ease. To be honest the Praxis II is an ignorant test. It isn't even relevant to teaching. Once again good ole politicians get to set the standard for teachers and of course it is 100 percent wrong as usual. Scum politicians.

I am still playing and enjoying immensely my favorite MMORPG, which is "World of Warcraft." It is the only thing that relaxes and soothes me after dealing with school and the world around me. I am also playing a new exciting game called "Titan Quest." Titan Quest is very fun!

My best friend Leslie and I took a small vacation for my birthday. We went to New Orleans. We had a wonderful time in the French Quarter. We did sing alongs at a couple of the pubs in the Quarter. We had some great food and spent some wonderful time with friends. We partied a little, no drinking though we did dance and chat with folks. Leslie and I stood around and watched as folks became so drunk they couldn't function. It was a little weird in that aspect as Leslie and I don't drink beyond a single drink on the rare occasion. We have never been drunk or have had the desire to experience it. Watching people act like idiots and end up suffering for it just reinforced in our heads we have been on the right track the whole time. *shrugs* People must be suffering inside to think they have to drown away their repressions and self-hatreds.

The French Quarter was wonderful and so was the Garden district. The rest of the city is another story altogether. It was very difficult for Leslie and I to drive in and out of the city. It was deserted. A lot of childhood memories are forever changed or completely gone as a result of the devastation to the city. I have friends who live on the West Bank of New Orleans and we couldn't bring ourselves to go see em for fear of seeing more devastation on the way from the Quarter to their home. That was the sad aspect of the trip. Being trapped in a small oasis of life and fun while the city is in shambles around that very oasis.

Ok...........

2006-03-25T17:45:00.000-06:00

Ok. I have now revealed my blog address to my DDO hotties I play with, those guys I am growing attached to somewhat. Even though they will read this I will never admit it! They know they are cute and I am not going to inflate those egos anymore. I must say I feel like the ugly duckling amongst them.

Ok. You have heard about Darrin and his cute boyfriend. Now you get to hear about Chad. *bites knuckle* He is...Well...To say the least a prime specimen of a man. Jeff and TJ are great guys. If I hit my target right they are bear types and I like bears! Woof! Then there is a gentleman who has the nickname of Banshee on DDO who is also a hottie! So basically I sit on a lot of nights and listen to these sexy fine handsome men talking aways on voice chat and envying them. These guys all have boyfriends and here I am 35 and just trying to readjust to all the recent changes in my life, gastric bypass and school, and so wanting to have a nice sweet handsome boyfriend like these guys. *shrugs* Oh, well....

So I am going back to my homework. If I can get it done tonight I am going to play Oblivion on the 360 for a bit. See ya round...

Edit Note: I am looking back on some of my recent posts and I sound downright depressing. Here is the thing...I have been feeling really good lately. My comments are more along the lines of momentary thoughts. I am definetely not depressed or dwelling on the negative just so you all know.

Self Reflection...

2006-03-24T13:47:00.000-06:00

So I am sitting here this week and wondering what I was going to write about on my blog. Every time I post on this thing I feel stupid and embarrassed. I am not a great writer by any means. I am a great speaker, communicator, good with language and spelling however I am not great with the art of writing itself. I can re-learn the rules of grammar every other week if I had to and still not be able to apply them. It is in my estimation one of my biggest negatives that I cannot seem to overcome. I also have a tendency to fall into "net speak" which makes it even worse. I am going to continue with my blog because I want to share my life with the world, as I feel I have something to give of myself, but I have come to accept that my message might not be so flattering because of the lack of proper "packaging."

I have updated my link section a bit. I have added links of a more personal nature to myself. I have also added some general interest links that cover areas I find of interest and have also added a set of gaymer links because I am just a big ole queer geek that loves to gayme!

Check out Mettabebe's (Darrin) blog amongst my personal links. Several of us, Darrin included, play DDO together all the while running our mouths on ventrillo (voice chat). Darrin is super smart and he and his wonderful boyfriend are hotties! *sigh* I wish I could find love like that. Well anyway I would do em! See if you can find Darrin in his red union suit...and those eyes...*bites finger* Ok...enough before I dig myself in deep.

sigh New Addiction....

2006-03-10T13:08:00.000-06:00

Ok! I have a new addiction. Dungeons and Dragons Online. It is so fun! I play every free moment I can. DDO is definitely not the usual type of MMORPG, which is a plus in this case. Woot!

I purchased Vampire Hunter D yesterday. I saw it years ago. I know it is popular amongst the usual anime aficionados. I enjoyed watching it late last night.

For some reason I just don't have much to say today. Usually I can run my mouth without a second thought but today...eh.

Yum!

2006-03-06T16:44:00.000-06:00

Well I had a wonderful time this past weekend. Saturday some friends and I went to the Imperial Palace Casino in Gulfport/Biloxi, Mississippi and enjoyed an evening of shrimp and crab claws! The crab claws were delicious. I am already in withdrawal!!! I need more!!!

I am thinking I am going to start addressing my own personal values and politics on my blog. I am a liberal who practices liberal values. Liberal has become a bad word and well it shouldn't be. It is time for liberals who are truly the majority to stand up in this country and fight back. If fighting back means this country must be divided...so be it. So long as the right wing is put in its place and shown they are "just" equal and not deserving of power or special treatment just because they scream the loudest and use intimidation tactics against those who exercise the freedom to disagree. It is time. We have been here. Will always be here. Time to take back our share of the country!

It Has Been A Long While...

2006-03-04T07:29:00.000-06:00

Well hello everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been going through a deep bit of introversion. I have always dealt with depression since I was a kid. When I bottom out I can just disappear from the world without a second thought. I don't contemplate anything bad, I simply recluse. I can sit around and read books or play video games the whole time. It is just my way of dealing with my depression.

I have recently encountered a new MMORPG! Dungeons and Dragons Online! Woot! I was in the beta testing for this game and didn't like it. I played solo on the first few dungeons and thought it had some neat ideas but couldn't get into it. Well after some encouragement from some fellow geeks I decided to buy it and it give it a try on release. It was worth it. You aren't supposed to solo in the game. Grouping is the rule and the maturity level of Dungeons and Dragons Online(DDO) is so much higher than the average MMORPG. In World of Warcraft the maturity level is that of a freakishly hormonally challenged 14 year old boy. In World of Warcraft no one has any sense of self control. In DDO I figure the average age in terms of maturity is in the adult range by the fact that most everyone has self control and contributes to everyone having a good time together. I have had several groups of nothing but strangers and it turned out wonderfully. No children throwing fits or using foul language. If I hear some kid or immature adult in World or Warcraft say "That's Gay!" or "That's Homosexual" one more time I am going to throttle them. I am sick of the denigration!

School is going okay this semester. I am struggling a bit with my math classes. Math has never been my strong point. I am taking an online course on human growth and development and it is ok. Online courses are a bit tedious. I am not getting much out of it. I prefer live interaction between a class and a professor.

This evening I am going to the boats with my best friend and her mother. We are going to enjoy some crab legs! Gotta love those crab legs! We are going to the Imperial Palace! We were there for Valentines day and really enjoyed it. The place was packed out and I won't be surprised if it is that way again today!

I think I am going to wrap things up. I am going to try to start posting more often. I have a good many things that have happened in my life in recent times that I may or may not express on my blog. It is so much stuff to have to recount. I think I may just go with the fresh start approach but I haven't really decided yet.

Goddess Bless You All!

Been A While...

2005-10-26T11:50:00.000-05:00

Well I have been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. That statement is so tired but so true. I can't seem to get oriented. I am very tired, really borderning on exhaustion. I have missed some school recently and that is not a good thing. Luckily my grades haven't suffered...yet...so all I have to do is get my but back into the routine and do what I am supposed to do. Just so much crap on my plate. These damn hurricanes have set me off my center and I can't seem to get back to it.

I just wanted to post something for I haven't updated in a while. I am going to post in the next day or two on the issue of bigotry and hatred of gays and lesbians. I speak on the issue all the time but lately it is taking on a bigger and more disturbing meaning for me. I am experiencing some bigotry first hand at school and I am dealing with it on something I should be enjoying but lately haven't because of the ignorance that is always before me. Will talk about it when I am in a better mood.

Thoughts And Such...

2005-09-20T18:09:00.000-05:00

Hmmm. How do I describe this….Well I had my gastric bypass because I was starting to show signs of health strain. I wasn’t deteriorating or anything but small signs were starting to show up that didn’t bode well for my future health wise. I was showing signs of pain in my knees; my blood pressure was getting borderline on some days. I had some other issues but there is no need to dig into those. Well once I had gained the stomach, lol, to have a gastric bypass my mind wandered into other territory naturally. I started thinking that I would be average to small size at some point and I would look better, more attractive. Well there was no guarantee of looking better after the surgery. I lucked up and didn’t have wrinkles or saggy skin all over the place. So I came out looking pretty nice. My only problem area is in the tummy area but that is ok, after all, I weighted 357 pounds at one point just before my surgery. Ok…so you are wondering what is he on about…well here it is…I have been despairing over stupid men. I go through all this to look good again and they don’t look at me. I might as well be 357lbs, well no I shouldn’t but it hurts me inside. I had been feeling very rejected by men on the whole till recently. I have had a little attention by a couple of fairly nice guys recently, one is a bit younger and the other a little older than myself. Both of these guys are cute. I really like them both. There is nothing in the cards with them long term that I can see. I am not really looking in that direction just yet anyway. Well I really cherished the attention to say the least. I was told that I was attractive by both of these men. I was told I was desirable and that they really liked me as a whole human being. To say the least I floated a few inches off the ground for the next few days. I had been trying to force myself into thinking I was nice looking in spite of the inner voice. I was hoping I could adapt my thinking by nudging it down a tight alley of “I am nice looking and I am attractive to others” thought process. I thought I might be coming around on my own, but with these two gentlemen stepping into my life recently the process went from forced and slow to boom…a cannon has been shot and Craig makes it to the end of the alley in record time!

Sorry. I just felt the need to ramble. I have been thinking on this topic for a few days now but haven’t said anything to my dear beloved friends. I just in the last few moments came to the realization that I wanted to express what was going on in my mind. So here I am. Guess I better go call my best friend Leslie sometime this evening and let her know my evolution of thought.

School is good so far this week. Life is ok. Went to yoga class today only to find it cancelled and totally rescheduled for the rest of the semester. So yoga on Fridays and progressive step a couple of times a week. It’s the best I can do since the storm took out the student rec. center at school. Oh, well…I shall survive!!!

Feeling Good!

2005-09-19T11:55:00.000-05:00

Well in spite of everything that has happened I am feeling pretty nice as of late. For some reason I am just not concerned about petty stuff. Gosh now that makes me worry. Could that maturity thing be kicking in? NONONONONONONONO...I laugh and dread at the thought.

The exercise classes are back up and running at school. I am going to start step-progression and yoga. Yeah! Can't wait!

Been struggling with food as of late. I have not put on any weight but it has been tough. Just been craving food. I will get through it I know I know...buck it up...but it is hard.

Well I want everyone to go check out http://www.campsisterspirit.com/ and select the "contact us" link and write the camp....you ask why I am sure???? Well the camp got hit hard by Hurricane Katrina. The camp is in need of help and you dear folks are a wonderful resource. I am asking you to consider what you can do. Ask what they need??? If you can't contribute food, material or money then a note of support and love is great...but please...do something to assist the folks who are suffering here in the aftermath of Katrina even if it is a simple little note of support. The camp has been feeding the surrounding area while being at a severe disadvantage themselves. It took them three days to cut their way out to the road. They have given out thousands and thousands of pounds of food to folks who are in need from Ovett all the way to the coast! Andie and Terri you have my love. I am so proud to have you in my life!

Test Anxiety...

2005-09-12T08:37:00.000-05:00

Well I studied all weekend for an algebra test that I am supposed to take today. I am not ready to say the least. I got my homework done for the class and figured by the time I was done I would be ready for the test also. Yeah right! I am going to beg the professor for another option concerning the test. *shrugs* A simple extension would be so great!

I found my friend Alan. He is safe and sound in Mississippi. He and his boyfriend came out well. Their house is intact. His boyfriends parents didn't come out so great. They lost their house and are staying with Alan and their son. So Alan has the in-laws in the house. ROFL

Ok. I know. I have it better than most. Mobile is mostly back to normal. I have electricity, food, water, and my family and friends are safe for the most part. Well I am still misssing about 4 folks. I have been worrying about them. I can't locate them and well it is taking a toll on me. I am exhausted. I am not sleeping well or much but I have the desire to lay in the bed and sleep all the time which is kinda weird. I am a bit emotional to say the least and my old rage and anger of youth has been rearing it's ugly head also. I don't know what to do at this point. Mobile has been bombarded with hurricanes in recent years and well it has taken it's toll on my mental and emotional state and everyone elses in the area. Mobilians just didn't leave for Katrina. We were all like petulant children throwing fits because they don't want to go to school. Everytime a storm comes in the gulf I start getting anxious and nervous. It is enough to drive you lunatic. I just don't know even know where I am going with this. Oh, well...

Back to Routine...

2005-09-09T08:28:00.000-05:00

Well in my neighborhood we are back to normal pretty much. The power is back and my internet is up and running! We don't even have trash on the street anymore. The limbs and leaves that were piled all over the place got picked up a couple of days ago.

I am still missing some friends though. My friend Alan from Mississippi I have not heard from since the day before Katrina hit. My friends Marilyn and Harry from New Orleans I know nothing about. I haven't heard from them since a month before Katrina hit. I have tried to locate them and am having no luck at all. I am very worried about my dear friends. My friends Andie and Terri up at Camp Sister Spirit are ok. The camp on the other hand is another story. They had a few trees fall on some of the buildings. The camp has no water, power, or phone last I heard. I can't get through to them. I worry about them being out in the middle of nowhere with nothing at hand. Well I won't say nothing at hand but they are living through a stressful situation. I have received emails of folks sending out the call to help out the Camp!

Now I am a different story. I can't seem to find energy. I apartment sat for my cousin this past weekend and I zombied. I played video games and slept. I slept a lot. I thought I would rest up and get back to normal. Well my plan failed...totally. I get up every morning for class and can't fully wake up. I still want to sleep every time I step back into this house. The hurricane exhausted me mentally and physically. I know I have nothing spiritually left. I am almost wary of stepping into the Grove for Mabon. I will for I need to and should, but I just hate going in with all my energy reserves depleted. I was going to go to Yoga and Tai Chi at school but I can't. The student recreation center took heavy damage and is closed. The classes are closed and well there is the end to my new contemplative exercise routine. Gonna have to start looking into alternatives.

Well I am about to build myself a new pc. I have been looking on newegg.com and researching what kind of box I want! I want a dual core box! I want me a somewhat hardcore gaming box! Woot! My World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy XI will look and run great on a dual core box!

Hard Times...

2005-09-02T11:30:00.000-05:00

Well my family and our homes came out well in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. We didn't suffer any material damage. Psychological and Emotional damage is another topic unto itself. We just got our power back yesterday around 5 P.M. in the afternoon. We have suffered in the heat. Tensions were on the rise in our home and in the whole devastated area period! When the power came on we felt more like humans than animals for a change. It was so nice. I still have no internet connection as I have a cable modem and well comcast is pretty much down in the area. I am puppy-sitting for my cousin Jay and his girlfriend Amber while they attend DragonCon in Atlanta. It is nice to be able to play around on the net and such. School will start back up for me this coming Tuesday. I hope I can get a tank of gas before school starts or I won't be able to even make it to class. The lines for gas are long and at times in certain areas can be miles long.

We are suffering here. Mobile came out of it better than Mississippi and Louisiana...We have extensive damage. We don't have devastation...but that can change...why?...all the poor folks who are displaced from Mississippi and Louisiana are starting to head back toward the only place they know of as home and well the closest they can get is Mobile. Mobile is packed to the roof with the poor displace refugees of Mississippi and Louisiana...and well we are barely functioning after this storm now add all these folks..Mobile can still collapse. Tensions are on the rise. I worry about it more and more for every day that passes.

Damn Storms!!!

2005-08-27T23:18:00.000-05:00

Well my stress level is rising! My first week of school come to an end only to look forward to the beginning of the second week running from a hurricane! Stupid hurricane Katrina! I can't take any more storms like this. One after another...they just won't stop! They even started up earlier than usual this time around. :O( I am so tired of this!

Goddess grant me the strength and fortitude to get through this. Prop me up! Guide me! I am your Drao! I am your warrior! Imbue me with the spirit of survival! As above! So below!

Been A While...

2005-08-22T23:16:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a while since I last posted. I went to Crescent City Con in New Orleans a couple of weeks back. I had a wonderful time except for a minor incident and I handled it quickly when I had finally had enough. I have no appreciation for having folks shove their junk in my face and dropping crap on my doorstep and then told I can't have a word to say because they will get upset! It was bringing me down at something that was supposed to be fun. Fuck that shit. Drop the fuck dead for all I care. It involved dumping a friend but it was worth it. I can't deal with drama anymore. I just do not have to deal with it. Now I am over it.

Well today was my first day back at school for the Fall Semester. Had a wonderful first day. I think I am going to enjoy all of my classes! I am so excited.

Lately I have resumed my devotions and small offerings to the various Celtic Gods and Goddesses. I have been feeling so much better for it. I had a nice Lughnassad ritual with my best friends Leslie and Paul. The ritual was in our new grove at our new home. It was exhilarating. We just relaxed and had a simple devotional type of ritual for our new grove. It was so nice to feel the life force and magic all around us. It so lifted my spirits.

I think next week I am going to start attending a yoga class at school. I need to engage in beneficial physio/spiritual exercise and meditation. I am thinking of also signing up for a Tai Chi class. I need to do that for myself. I would feel the better for it I bet. Till Next Time...

Woot!

2005-08-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

Well I made all "A's" for the summer semester so I made the "Presidents List"! I am so happy about that. 8 weeks for a semester is crazy. I will never do the summer semester thing again. I must have had a case of lunacy overcome me as I registered for summer semester.

I have been relaxing a little bit when I can find the time. Mostly my relaxation comes in the form of playing World of Warcraft of which I am a severe addict.

On a side note my cousin Jay and I have reconciled. I feel so much better now knowing that he is in my life once again. I am going to have issues reconciling with our circle of friends from when I left. *sigh* Well at least with one of them...namely Jay's girlfriend. She is so repressed and bigoty. She and Jay snog all the time and talk breeder stuff all the time. I don't mind but If I, Craig, show that I am a sexual being by talking about boys or whatever she gets all snitty and pissy. Well I just ignore her and proceed anyway. I am not going to be neutered for any breeder ever again. We are their creations. We are their symbols of self-hatred and I am not going to let them forget it! Remember folks...all those gay and lesbian kids kill themselves in droves before the age of 18 for a reason...its called good ole mom and dad! Thats family values for you! Well I am going to hold folks responsible for their actions!

Tired...

2005-07-25T12:04:00.000-05:00

Storms. Hurricanes. School. Work. Finals. Projects. *screams* I am exhausted. I have been barely keeping my head above water. After returning home from evacuating for the hurricane I learned that my Aunt Mae had passed. I was devasted. I love you Aunt Mae. The family took it hard. I haven't been able to do much for myself other than go do school work and deal with family issues. Now that things are calming down I will be back on my blog more often. Semester is over as Wednesday for me. I shall be enjoying my 25 days of break to their fullest!

Chaos!

2005-07-09T09:16:00.000-05:00

Well I have been returning to a semblence of normality in terms of my emotions in the last few days. I wrapped myself in my support structure. My best friend Leslie helped me out a lot. My close friends Tim and Tony were there for me. I am very grateful to them for their support.

Now that I am feeling like a human being again chaos comes galloping in to pronounce the end of the world and that riders name is...Dennis. I hate hurricanes. We had to run from Hurricane Ivan last year and here we go again. This year we aren't going for a nice 9/10 hour drive to Tennessee. This year we are driving a couple of hours north and staying in a hotel and just wait it out. We will hopefully will be a bit more on the west side of the storm. The west sides of hurricanes are always preferable if you have to deal with one at all.

Well see you all after the storm. Goddess bless everyone!

I Feel Ugly...

2005-07-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

Well at this very moment I am experiencing some really horrible emotional and mental anguish. I recently went through a gastric bypass in the last year and a half and one of my hopes is that I would be attractive to men again and well it does not seem to be happening. I am the thinnest I have every been as an adult. I am not "thin" but I am normal looking at least. I was even beginning to think that I was attractive in the face. I used to be in my younger days very attractive to my thinking. I haven't been able to re-acquire that thinking until recently and then only to a small degree of it's former self.

Well as of tonight I feel like an ugly intrusive troll. I will tell the story but I shall not mention any real names. I will use a generic set of names that indicates no one in the real life telling that you will be able to figure out unless you were a participant in this telling and then well you will now know what I went and am going through. Bill, Chris, and David are the names I have chosen to use.

So tonight I attend a pool party I was invited to at some friends house. There were about ten guys there. I knew a few of them and a few I didn't. I quickly became acquainted with everyone. All the guys seemed great. I really was enjoying myself. I knew of the reputation of the hosts concerning their little get togethers and was kinda looking forward to seeing some skin before the night was over.

This guy came in a bit later to the party, David, and I knew on sight that I found him hot. He was very cute, in a different sort of way, and he had various piercing and such. I love a man with pierced nipples and he had both of his pierced. We chatted and chatted. I talked to him about my job with MASS and such and he was aware of the group I was running on behalf of MASS. We even joked around about which guys we thought would get action first or get naked in the pool first. I bet him five dollars on who would get naked. I deliberately bet on the guy I knew wasn't going to win and of course I lost...*shrugs*...He tells me I owe him five bucks and I tell him well I can't pay I have no money on me. I told him I would gladly "work" it off if you know what I mean. A little later we go in to exchange contact information and bump in to Chris and Bill. Well Bill is hot and naked already. Bill was the first to get naked. I was enjoying watching Bill as he has a nice dick and a hot body. I was so wanting to be a naughty boy. I am close to Chris and Bill and had confided in them that I liked "David" a lot and thought he was hot. Chris and Bill both agreed with me on that matter. Well I can't find any paper and tell David I will be right back. I was gone all of 15-30 seconds and I came back still without paper to find Chris on his knees before David entertaining him. Well the minute they saw me it was like a Catholic priest walking in on nuns muff diving...They clammed up...pants came up and everyone just was like whoa...I felt devastated. I had been watching spirited sexually play and energy going on for an hour at that point and I sure as hell didn't want them to stop. I wanted to see david's dick of course and I wanted to see the pleasure in his face during sex...*shrugs* I told them..."Oh, no you don't get back down there and finish what you were doing." They wouldn't do it. I told them do not stop things on account of me and what was the big deal as I have been watching all the guys play around at that point...I had flirted with all the guys and even lightly caressed an ass or two that evening. I thought I was ok to have around. Well I just felt ugly. It was like I was typhoid Mary or something. I mean look at it this way. They have played all evening with me there and even in the middle of a bit of it and now all of a sudden when things take a step up everyone starts fumbling to avoid and lock me out. I am no longer on their comfort level. I felt unwanted but no one informs me of this. I have to walk in and watch them run to hide all their business. It made me feel so ugly. I felt like a troll. I had to leave. I was on the verge of crying. I said bye but couldn't bring myself to even stay beyond an initial hurried bye to one my hosts Bill. I didn't get to say bye to Chris or anyone else. That nice David even said hold up let me give you my email but I was so close to tears I didn't want to look them in the face and just kept moving to the door. I just glanced back and said give your email to Bill and Chris and they will get it to me. I went out leaving them puzzled. I know they didn't consciously mean to do anything. Bill and Chris are great. David did nothing either....but their actions revealed their comfort level with me. My presence all of a sudden felt barely tolerated. I certainly didn't want to ruin their good time by being the troll in the room of beautiful people so it was best I leave. I cried on the way home. I even called and woke up my friend Tim and was crying on the phone to him about it. I told Tim I felt so ugly. I said to Tim that I don't even know why I went through all this torture and hell to loose this weight. I was invisible to men when I was big and I still am. I feel so horrid. I feel like a troll. I am so ugly. :O(

I have been sitting here thinking and this episode brings into question many things about myself. I feel all of a sudden unsuited to be President of ASD. I feel like I am unsuited to do my job with Fusion. I mean how can I lead an organization for my fellow students and show we welcome and love everyone when I can't even look in the mirror without seeing ugliness and knowing that people view me that way also. How can I lend my expertise and knowledge to up and coming gay/bi men about safer sex practices and communication skills when I can't even approach a man or get approached by one. I am repulsive and that does not bode well for things I am trying to do in my life. I think I may have to take a break or resign my positions in ASD and Fusion.

I have gone through to many changes way to fast way to soon and well it is collapsing me. I thought I would adjust well and I am not adjusting at all. I am falling down face first in the dirt and I don't know how to stop it. I am tired and exhausted. My emotions are so sensitive. I can't communicate. I think I maybe falling apart. I just don't know what to do.

Blog Time...

2005-06-24T09:40:00.000-05:00

Well this week has been full of stress. I lucked up in my math class. My math teacher told us we didn't have to take the test we were supposed to take this week. He told us we could come up to the math lab anytime next week and take it! I was not ready for it. Some small thing was not clicking and I think I have fixed that finally. So I need this extra day or so to get myself fixed math wise!

I have put on 3 pounds in the last few weeks. It has me stressed out. I can't have put on that much weight. I don't take in enough calories for my weight even. I think I am retaining water. One day I looked in the mirror and I looked huge. The next day I looked in the mirror and my shape was changed from the previous day. I was bloated I believe. It was very odd. I am ramping up my water intake! Gonna get rid of these little problems. This has been causing me a lot of unnecessary stress!

Tired!

2005-06-15T17:15:00.000-05:00

Whew! I am exhausted. I am so busy lately. My job running the Fusion project for MASS is a bit of work! I am enjoying the job even though it is a lot of work!

School has been running me ragged. I had a test yesterday in math and I guess I did ok! The test was centered on word problems and I hate those with a passion. As long as I make a "B" or higher I will be happy! Today I learned how to edit films in my educational media class. I can add in scene transitions and music. I can do a clip by clip edit if need be! It was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it.

Every Wednesday I do volunteer work at Bay Area Inclusion as coordinator for Fusion and to show my support for such a wonderful cause. BAI is the local gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community center. I am a big supporter!

I have a meeting with my glbt student group tonight. Since it is summer we have decided to meet out and about instead of on campus. Tonight we are eating at Doughboys! They have excellent pizza! I am going to order a real New York pizza pie tonight! Yum! Can't wait! LOL. Not like I cannot eat much of it, just a couple of pieces. I bet I end up tossing my cookies because it is to cheesy and greasy! It is pizza after all!

Sad...

2005-06-06T15:22:00.000-05:00

Well today I had some sad news when I got up from my beauty sleep. I play World of Warcraft, which is an online rpg, with a bunch of local folks. The locals formed a guild and we spend lots of time enjoying the game with each other. One of our guild mates died yesterday. He was 28 years old. Jared was his name. He died of a heart attack. I have cried a lot today, at one point in the middle of class. I have just been devastated.

I went by Gamestop to see some of my guildies from World of Warcraft. I got a nice card of sympathy for Jared's family and the guildies and I signed it. I am going to send that off this evening.

I got to talk to a friend of mine from the game while I was in Gamestop. She is a real sweety. She was on the phone when I entered the store. We talked about Jared. I told her how bad of a day I had. I explained it was real hard for me because it reminded me of...well...me. I told her that I worried earlier in my life that I would not make it to the age of thirty.

After I got off the phone I was in even more deep thought than even this morning. I wasn't ever worried about a natural cause of death early in life. I used to worry about suicide...by the time I reached eighteen over half of the queers and dykes born on my birthday were dead due to suicide. Imagine leaving class with 100 folks behind you and returning the next day to find only 46 folks still alive and able to attend. It would be strange and devastating wouldn't it? Well picture reaching 35 and turning around and finding another 20 of those remaining 46 dead due to HIV/AIDS. Yes I used to worry and have fear but it was of something that wasn't "me". Well when I found out Jared passed it all hit me in one punch. I realized I was a rarity in my community and that I have been standing in a landscape of death. I know I am being harsh but hello...!!! Folks your kids are dying around you and you turn a blind eye! You give birth to us and instead of loving us you blame us and scapegoat for convenience sake! Shame on you! You are accomplices to the death of your children! What's even more bizarre...most of you parents out there don't even know why your kids killed themselves because you are to busy either tearing them down or just plain out being indifferent to them. Raise your children to be the best of who they are not what you want them to be! Your wants are only relevant for yourself not your children. So let them feel important of self and not some clone of what you have pictured in your mind. Your children will never be you. Let them learn from you and then run with it and do what they will with it! They will love you more for it! Guide them with love!

I didn't know Jared at all other than a few exchanges of chat on a computer screen. I know my mourning has been mostly selfish this afternoon but this morning it was all about Jared. I accept I look a bit selfish. Jared though was the catalyst! Jared I give up prayers to the Goddess to embrace you with her love. You have brought forth something that has festered inside of me and I thank you for helping to cleanse me. You will not go forgotten! I honor your name. I honor your memory! I honor you!

So Blessed It Be! So Mote It Be! May The Circle Never Be Broken! As Above! So Below! We honor you Jared!

Been A While...

2005-05-27T18:48:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a while and I apologize for that. I got to see Star Wars! Lucas has redeemed himself! I loved it. I am also a bit depressed over it. My childhood is gone now...There shall never be another Skywalker Story on the big screen in my lifetime. It all makes me sad. My best friend and I cried as the babies were born and shown to Padme. They played their theme music from Star Wars and we knew it for what it was right off. We cried as Anakin took that first breath and became the Vader we were raised with. It was wonderful and sad at the same time.

I started my job with Fusion last week. I have my flyers out and about in the glbt bars and businesses downtown. I am working on ripping down the web site and putting a new one up. The old site is a mess so instead of struggling with it like I had been doing I shall just start over and that way I am not troubleshooting and backtracking all the time. LOL. Damn site!

Well last night I went to a lovely Bay Area Inclusion fund raiser. The fund raiser was an art auction. BAI is such a wonderful place. BAI is the local glbt community center. I won some art out of the whole thing! They are all nice pieces. Woot!

School starts next week! Yeah and Boo!!! I need to get through school as fast as possible but dang....It is summer!

Good News...

2005-05-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

Well I got my grades and guess what! I made 3 "A's" and 1 "B"! I am very happy to say the least concerning my grades. Tomorrow I take the state teacher certification test. Boo! I have to be up early and take my no. 2 pencils down to the school and stand in line! I hate tests! High pressure timed tests in particular drive me nuts!

I have been a bit sad on another topic. Star Wars comes out next week. I can remember sitting in the theater as a 7 year old and falling in love with the first Star Wars. The story of the Skywalkers, namely Anakin, comes to an end. Leslie and I have seen the new ones together on opening day so this year will be no different. Every time the music starts up and the text starts to scroll I tear up. I guess this time will be no different. Well you can't go back. I shall never be a 7 year old kid again. I will never let my inner child die though! My inner child is what gives me hope.

Nice Day...

2005-05-08T13:17:00.000-05:00

Ahhh. What a nice day out. Such a pretty sky! The Goddess embraces us with her beauty. I so want to find something to do. If I can't find anything to do I will just go sit out in the yard!

I am sitting here listening to "The Best of The Mamas and The Papas". Their music is so nice. I really like their sound. Shame they were not able to create more in their short time together. I love the lyrics. The interweaving of the voices was lovely. Mama Cass has such a strong beautiful voice. It makes me want to go dance in the woods just listening to them. "You ought to know by now!" "Words of love soft and tender won't win a girls heart anymore..."

I am on a search for someone to go on a week long trip in late June to southern Ohio for a Pagan festival. Pagan Spirit Gathering is held each year on or near the Summer Solstice. The festival is huge by Pagan standards. It is from June 19th through the June 26th this year. You stay on site generally. It is considered primitive camping I guess you would say. I am a city boy in terms of comfort level. I am comfy with the woods and so forth in terms of playing and visiting. Having to live in primitive conditions for a whole week is another thing. So I figured maybe I can find someone who would like to go on a little adventure with me! If anyone is interested just email me @ Gaytaliesin

Bleh!

2005-05-07T16:39:00.000-05:00

Well looks like I am not going to Camp Sister Spirit this weekend. Andie is busy and we had a mix up with the information exchange. Dang! I so wanted to get out of this hell hole of a city! I guess I can work on some chores I have long put off this weekend. Bleh!

Nice Few Days...

2005-05-07T12:37:00.000-05:00

Recently I interviewed for a Job with Mobile AIDS Support Services. I interviewed for the position of Fusion Coordinator. I really liked the folks who interviewed me. They were young and fresh with ideas and enthusiasm. Well I got a call this past Wednesday from MASS telling me they would love to have me if I was still interested. I said I was still interested. So now I have a little part time job that holds some interest for me beyond a pay check. I will be facilitating a support group for gay and bisexual men to encourage safer sex practices and to foster communication in relations with others. I think it will be an interesting challenge to say the least.

Last night I attended a little get together with some fellow students and teachers from school. It was mostly everyone from the gay and lesbian student group on campus. The party was a private get together I must note. I had a wonderful time. Societally I feel it was a little dangerous. Why you ask? Well put a bunch of brainy homosexuals in a room together and you figure it out! ROFL.

I am supposed to be heading out to Camp Sister Spirit today. I guess I need to pack and load up the car. I am feeling lazy and procrastinating. Bleh!

Endings...

2005-05-04T11:59:00.000-05:00

Well I am one class away from ending my first semester of college. I am nervous while waiting for my grades to be posted. I just have to basically walk in and sit down to get an "A" in my last class. I am finished with my other three classes. Woot! I now get three weeks off for some rest and relaxation. Friday I am going to celebrate with some glbt students from school! I shall bypass the drinking aspect of that celebration because just half a mixed drink puts me under the table now. The gastric bypass has ruined my legendary tolerance for booze. I am so sad at the loss. Saturday I am heading up to Camp Sister Spirit in Ovett, Ms for three days of rest and relaxation. To escape from this hell hole of a city is so appealing.

Almost Done...

2005-04-28T12:01:00.000-05:00

Woot! The torture of academia is almost over. Finals are next week. I have just two classes left. Yes! I am exhausted. I think I have done well. Should be A's and B's on my grade report! I made a 100 on my math test this week. So I am very happy with my work this semester! As soon as finals week is over I am going to party with some friends and then heading out of town for a few days to get some much needed rest and relaxation!

Nice Weekend...

2005-04-17T21:03:00.000-05:00

Well I had a nice weekend. I returned to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Mobile this weekend. I missed going to church. I will be a full member again next weekend. When I went to work for municipal court I gradually dropped from any and all of the spiritual practices that I hold dear to my heart. I was simply working and going home to recover for the next day. I was exhausted come every Friday and would just zombie out in the house and do nothing. My best friend and priestess Leslie and I are working on getting back into our Pagan roots again. I am working on meditation on some small scale everyday now. I so need my spirit to awaken and thrive. I have been so out of balance. I have been working on the physical and mental realms within and now I am starting to work on my spirit.

I played tennis today. I haven't played in about three weeks. I had hurt myself and I stopped playing to heal up. I pulled a muscle in my upper right back leg. I worked on stretching today before I played. Well I started off playing pretty well then I felt my leg give a nice little pull. So I let up immediately and started taking it easy. As I concentrated more on my movements and keeping myself light on my feet my game as a result went straight out the window. So I guess no more tennis for a few weeks.

Tired In A Good Way...

2005-04-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

Well I have one project of major importance left to do at school. I was a bit apprehensive about it till today. We, namely my project group, on a whim decided to work on it a bit a couple of days ahead of time and it is turning out great. We know we did the right thing. While all the other groups come in thursday to do their projects we will be putting the finishing touches on ours and cleaning up. We will be done ahead of time and free of stress! Woot!

Well as of late, namely in the last month, I have been more in touch with my spirituality than I have been over the course of the last 6 months. I let other parts of my life become dominant and unbalance me. No more of that! I am going to return to the UU. I have been getting meditation and Goddess talk sessions in once again. My priestess and I are talking spirit and faith. We are going to have a Beltaine ritual in the next few weeks. I am feeling a sense of lift spiritually.

Tough Week...

2005-04-08T11:58:00.000-05:00

Well I have had four tests this week. I survived them all. I have made 3 "A's" so far. Now I am waiting to get the grade back on another. I am so happy. I worked my but off. Woot! A few days of rest finally!

Tomorrow is gay pride here in good ole Mobile, Alabama. I am going to attend and have a wonderful time! Can't wait. I am going to ride a float in Mobile's first ever gay pride parade! I am going to help man T-Talks information table with my best friend Leslie. We are going to have a wonderful time!

Whew! What a Day!

2005-04-02T19:19:00.000-06:00

I played tennis this morning and enjoyed it as usual. I hurt myself though. I pulled something in the right hip area. I am so sore and tender, it is really annoying. I can't seem to get comfy as I sit here typing up my blog entry.

Well the pope is dead. So long!. Now all we have to do is wait for the next imposer of power and control to be placed on the papal throne. It's a shame old John Paul couldn't sit in a vegetative state for fifteen years. Well christianity is on the downward side of the hill anyway. Decline is its path. The number of christians is starting to go down more and more. The Goddess and her followers are ready to start stepping up! Reporting for duty as called great Goddess! Now to do something about the other evil religion in the world but that is another topic for another time. Though I must say it is a tougher group to take on than even christianity.

It's Raining Men!!!

2005-03-31T21:51:00.000-06:00

It is storming outside as I type this. I love the sound of a rain storm. The Goddess is showing us her power and ways. She is cleaning and nourishing the earth. I feel so good right now!

I turned in my classroom management portfolio today. I think I did a good job on it. Now I am just relaxing and studying at a nice normal pace. No more intense time consuming projects. Just a few tests. I am feeling the stress just sliding away from me.

Terri is free finally. Thank you Goddess. I give reverence. 15 years ago you sent for her. You closed down her mind and her body all that time ago and those neener-neener mouthed little pricks thought they knew what you wanted and tortured this woman and her husband...then blamed the husband for doing what you and she wanted. The weak cowards still sit there and open their mouths and arrogantly strut around proclaiming on behalf of your son who you have removed from his position of prominence in humanity. Goddess the day comes when your word will hold sway in this world again. Your numbers grow daily. I have never been a big advocate of a fundamentalist Pagan movement but my mind is starting to turn. We should bring folks to you and let them feel and know your embrace...to experience your love. So Blessed Be! So Mote It Be!

Return to the Land of the Living...

2005-03-26T23:40:00.000-06:00

Whoa! Okay...Why did I return to college again? I forgot! I just went through project hell. I have just completed my classroom management portfolio for my CM class. It is about 200 pages long! 55 of those pages is written by me and the rest are resources and sources for me to utilize in my future classroom. I thought I would never get it done! Woot! It is complete! All I have to do now is put it together and make it presentable and tada!!! I am done! I have so stressed about my classes as of late. I am now past the major hurdle of the whole semester. Now I should be able to get into an easy cruising gear and just work my way at a nice pace through the rest of the semester. I am so happy right now!

On a side note I have been praying to the Goddess for Terri Schiavo. She will be free soon and her spirit will not have to dally between the worlds stressing over her families inability to grieve. She will be able to move on and make decisions about where she needs to go next on the Wheel of Life. The Goddess will cleanse Terri. She will hold and cherish her spirit. The greatest thing about all life is "will" and not even a deity can take that away or interfere with it. They can only hold the mirror for you to show your image to yourself...the good, the bad, and the ugly and then wait while you make your decision. Soon Terri can do what should have been done 15 years ago. And folks thought a puny god like the judeo god would make the decision for them. They are in for a rude awakening. They will find when they are in the purest form of spirit that there can be no judge harsher than themselves! I think though that Terri will find her soul sad and lost but in ok shape. As far as others in this horrid affair...well they will see one day.

Poor Woman...

2005-03-21T15:15:00.000-06:00

Poor Terri Schiavo. I am so angry. How dare the republicans exploit this woman. You know everyone says that the republicans are playing politics because they sold their souls to the right wing pharoahs of modern xianity who seek power and their vision of a power over people philosophy. I agree. Xians have become the thing they claim to hate...If Moses were to arrive today in a suit and tie and proclaim the rules and just leave out the Judeo gods name the republicans would call him a commy atheist and kick him to the curb...They who are Ramses are blind and stupid...Tom Delay the scum criminal actually stepping up and flouting a family decision for political expediency. I say criminal...Why? Well the republican culture that is being created is based on "guilt first...oops...Innocent? LOL...Oh, well tough for you, you are ruined and nothing you can do about it, and it got me elected using you!" Our society is so nasty and divided now. Family Values? Please...get over yourself. Our family structure was screwed the moment xians turned an eye toward government way back in the past. Screw Judeo-Xian ethics and laws. I practice one ethic...Freedom. The Freedom ethic is what this country is based on. Those who practice Judeo-Xianity are just interested in power and control over people and special treatment they set up for themselves! Freedom is never stagnant unlike xianity. Let this woman go! Set her free! Mother of Terri allow yourself to grieve...To accept your daughter has long been gone. Mother of Terri you love your daughter but this can't be about you...Let her go...

Been Busy...

2005-03-17T09:08:00.000-06:00

Well I have been busy. I have been doing school projects during my spring break. Some spring break! LOL. All work and no play! This sucks. Oh well I shall survive. I had a nice meal last night at the American Cafe with the local gay and lesbian student group. Had a wonderful time. Enjoyed the company of wonderful folks! The chat was so stimulating. I bought some movies recently. Best Buy had an ok little sale this week, 2 DVD's for 20 dollars. I bought Kill Bill 1 and 2. I also acquired Dawn of the Dead and Signs. I watched Dawn of the Dead late at night of course. The stillborn undead god baby was crazy! Woot! I loved it. Signs was good the second time around. I didn't like Signs the first time I saw it.

CoastCon Out Of Control...

2005-03-13T14:53:00.000-06:00

Ok. I have not said anything of a direct derogatory manner about anyone at CoastCon. I still will not use names though if they read this they know who they are. I offered criticism and I am getting eat up for it. Well I can say I have been above board in dealing with them in that I haven't name called and I have kept it to my view of the con. I have had someone who came to my blog and accused me of being toooo "gay" about everything and that it wasn't my exclusive territory. Well first off the moron should have read my posts about coastcon 2005 the third rate con. No mention of homosexual or gay anywhere. He looks at my blog overall and views where my blog is about sharing my life and sees the word gay in reference to myself and proceeds to try to use this in a personal attack. The scum. I grow to hate morons more than I pity them. I am no longer willing to be nice to the CoastCon staff who have attacked me. They never even tried...so hey...all bets are off. I can say I have been above board and well they can't. I have received nasty private messages and all kinds of bigotry and vitriol. It's like dealing with a fundamentalist christian...makes you feel dirty afterward. So the Con I have so loved 6 out of the 7 times I have attended is now denied to me because it is obvious they want only fluffy bunny con goers who will kiss their asses and praise every little thing they do! Not! Since I am an honest person, brutally, a lot of the time I obviously would never bow and worship their god so CoastCon is now blacklisted by me and I have passed onto and am encouraging my friends and associates to no longer associate or attend coastcon! Stay away. They want your money and your silence if it is other than gushing!

Worried...

2005-03-11T15:56:00.000-06:00

I am worried. I said I have been tired and grump as of late. Well not only am I worried about that but my judgment is totally off. I took a math test this week. I was so worried I was going to make a bad grade. I went to class Thursday evening thinking an 80 would be like getting a 100 for me and anything in the 70's would be like an A or B...Just as long as I pass I will be happy. I walk into the classroom and he hands me my test and guess what...I made the highest grade in the class again...a 99. Why when I am taking these tests do I totally miss my range of knowledge. I took that math test and was in a panic. I took a really long time. I was unsure of my work. I just don't get how I could make a 99. I did legitimately make the grade but I certainly didn't even feel I was hitting in the area of the target much less hitting the center. Why am I so off in the judgment of my abilities. I just don't understand. I hate that I do this because as a result of doing this I sit there and have stress attacks almost. I made a 94 on the first math test this semester and sat in my car and cried as if I failed. I know I have been away from school for a long while but I am not some reborn idiot. I am intelligent and well rounded and I know this and it just isn't showing. I just don't know what to do. Goddess help me please!

Tired and Grumpy...

2005-03-10T14:06:00.000-06:00

Well I am just so tired. I recently wrote a review of CoastCon a con I used to like. I had a couple of folks from the con itself say nasty things to me. One even said I had sour grapes. I am just astounded at the ignorance of people this day and age. Well America is so dumbed down that dissent and criticism will go from being an unspoken no-no to an on the books criminal charge one day in the future! Sour Grapes! Hah. Ignorance! I don't even know anyone who has run coastcon. I have never worked for coastcon. I have attended 7 times. I enjoyed and loved 6 of em. I didn't like one of them and all of a sudden you would think I was a con troll that everyone despises. Well blacklist it is for CoastCon. I have passed the word on to my circle of friends and well we aren't going near that con for some time to come.
School is keeping me so busy. I am so tired. On top of that I am so grumpy and not in the mood to deal with ignorant folks. Usually I am calm and just ignore them. Well at this time I am not so willing to let things ride! I am going to stand up for myself!

Rough Day...

2005-03-08T20:19:00.000-06:00

Whooo...What a day! I got up this morning and went to school and have been at it till about 7:30p.m. this evening. My workload is about to get heavy as the end of the semester approaches! I had a math test this evening. I did okay on it I guess. Not sure. I know I passed it. I just hope I got an "A" or "B". Just as long as it is above 70 or so I am happy. Math is my weakest subject. *sigh*
I have been thinking more toward my spirituality as of late. I might not get to do devotions or have ritual but I have been sending up silent thoughts and having meditative moments. I really must not let myself get fractured apart like that again. I need to keep my mind, body, and spirit in continual use...Balanced if possible. It would be to my best interest to do this especially when times of stress come upon me.

CoastCon Sucked!!!

2005-03-06T09:52:00.000-06:00

CoastCon sucked!!! My friend Anne-Marie and I went over to Biloxi/Gulfport yesterday to attend CoastCon. CoastCon is a science fiction and fantasy convention. This year the convention was held in the President Casinos Broadwater Beach Resort Hotel. The hotel is third rate at best. The convention this year was also third rate at best. We checked in and got our convention badges. The process was quick and smooth. We then stepped out into the general convention area which was about 50 feet of hallway with only a few rooms of convention stuff. The art exhibit room was just a few feet away so we went their and looked at the art. The art exhibit was small this year compared to years past at the convention center. We then walked the next 30 feet or so down the hallway. We peeked into two rooms one of which held gaming and the other was holding a panel. The other room was the charity auction room. We read in the coastcon program booklet that there was some other things like a video room. There was some stuff upstairs apparently. We saw what looked like a "condemned do not enter" sign on the stairs leading to the second floor. The sign said take the elevator. Lets just say we passed on going upstairs. Well since we weren't in the mood for watching anime we went "next door" to the dealers room. The dealers room was horrid. I bought two small items of interest and that was all. Quantity is not important to me...Quality is. I saw not one single thing after that which might catch my eye. That is a shame. There was no real diversity of dealers at all. The guests were also slapped up at the end of the dealers room on a shabby stage to autograph for the coastcon attendees. I did get Sharon Green's autograph. She was nice and polite. I love her "Blending" series. So my friend and I gave CoastCon two thumbs down. I wouldn't recommend going to the convention if they continue to hold it at cheap third rate resorts. CoastCons best memories for me have always been at the Gulfport/Biloxi Colliseum and Convention Center.
Well we then proceeded over to Casino Magic to have lunch. We had planned on enjoying it and having a nice time to recover from the disappointment of CoastCon. Ooops! Well that went awry right off the bat. The food sucked!
Anne-Marie and I proceeded to return to Mobile. We got back to town and went to Barnes and Noble. We had a good time and even bought a couple of books. We went to Game Stop and EB Games locally and enjoyed looking through all the pc/ps2 gaming options! There are so many games I want!!!!
I will not even go into our dinner plans. That is a whole page unto itself. Just to sum it up. Don't eat at Captain D's or Backyard Burger. They are not professional and just don't deserve your money. Eat at Zaxbys. Wonderful chicken fingers and wings!!

CoastCon

2005-03-05T06:15:00.000-06:00

Well I am off to a local science fiction and fantasy convention this morning. CoastCon 28 in Biloxi, Mississippi. It was the first con of any size I ever went to back in 1992. It is being held in one of the casino resort hotels and well I am wary of it. My friend Anne Marie is going with me. I have known her for over 10 years now. She is a really sweet person. I enjoy her company. I get to see a long lost friend today also. Alan. He is one of my best friends in the whole world. He moved to the Biloxi/Gulfport area some years ago and I rarely get to see him. So I am looking forward to my day. I will report back on the Con tomorrow!
Small edit: My post has been edited to take out some incorrect information about CoastCon attendence. Now as far as my view of the con being held at the resort overall...well...it stays the same...Wary of it!

Interesting Day...

2005-03-02T23:09:00.000-06:00

Well today I had a nice day at school. Went to class...my only class on the odd days of the week...and was in and out in no time at all! I went and had some lunch. I went and cashed a check. I saw my cousins girlfriend. She is such a sweety. I then went home and took a nap. Two hours I napped. My energies are slow in regenerating as of late.
This evening after I awoke from my nap I attended a meeting of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender student group on campus. I really enjoyed it. They are a fairly motivated little group...much more so than the group as it was years ago when I was a founding and charter member. There is much history between myself and this group. Not a bad history...just a history...lots of work, sweat, tears, frustration and struggle. All of it was worth it. I am so proud to be there now. I am older than most of the students there by a good ten years or more. I am a member but feel more like an observer...like a grandparent watching the grandkids at play or something....very strange for me. I know they don't look at me like an old fogey...but I feel that way myself. I will get over it eventually.
I got flirted with by a cute man tonight. I have lost all this weight to still feel kinda of ugly. I just have body image issues. I responded a little in return to the flirting. He is a very handsome man. Super intelligent. Maybe he has a nice cut of beef between those legs...*crosses fingers*...Just Kidding...though... I am going to try and not shy away from men if at all possible. I really need a little more sex in my life. It would certainly round things off nicely to have it on a regular basis. My worst problem though is I like a man to pursue me. I am not that comfy chasing after a man.

One Year...

2005-03-01T19:56:00.000-06:00

Well today I had my one year anniversary appointment with Dr. Weinstein. Dr. Weinstein was the wonderful surgeon who performed my gastric bypass. Today I play tennis, jump on rides at the fair, jump into small restaraunt booths, and live life like I haven't in years thanks to Dr. Weinstein. If I had not had the gastric bypass I would be 350+ pounds at this point. I am so thankful to him for his wonderful work. I was scared and crying as I entered surgery on February 23, 2004. My mom was totally opposed to the surgery. My priestess/best friend Leslie and most beloved cousin Jay worried and dealt with my nervous family that day. A whole parcel of friends sat and played UNO in the waiting room to see me through it all. I am so thankful to them. They have been so supportive. My mother is so happy to see her son living again. My mom came around in days when she realized I was going to be fine!
My day went well at school. I am really enjoying school. I was so nervous when I first started the semester. I was stressing like you wouldn't believe as I came to the first set of tests. Now that that I am closing in on my 3rd round of tests in my classes I am calming down considerably. I know I can do it now. I am no longer ruled by my fear! I picked up a bunch of books today for my future classroom. Got a good deal on some popular books. 50% off!

Exhausted...

2005-02-28T19:52:00.000-06:00

Well today I am flat out exhausted. I have had a rough week. My grandmother recently fell and broke a rib and gave herself a concussion. She has bad bones as it is. Her bones are brittle. She suffers from horrid back pain as a result of this and now she has hurt herself. She has to stay with us so we can watch over her. She is having such a difficult time as of late. I have school on top of it all. I also am pledging the gay fraternity on campus, Delta Lambda Phi. They have been great. I just am worried I can't finish it out and become a brother. I am so tired lately. Luckily when I talked to the brothers about it they said take it slow. They even said we will slow down the process so you can get through with as little stress as possible. I am so glad to have met these guys. They are great.
I was talking to my best friend today and she pointed out that Mercury goes retrograde in March. How lovely...Not! One aspect of my life, which it shouldn't be...It should be ever-present, is my spirituality. I have not had time, which is just an excuse, to do devotions or have rituals. I am so in need of being in touch with my spirit and spiritual practices. Doing this could bring me some patience and peace which could get me through the stressful times. I might be able to find reserves energy also...hmmm...Need to get to work on myself I guess. No time like the present!

Change...

2005-02-27T22:39:00.000-06:00

It has been a while since I last posted. I left my job with Mobile Municipal Court. I am free from hell! Purest political hell! I have returned to school to get a degree in teaching. I was a substitute teacher for a couple of years in my recent past. I really enjoyed it. I don't know why I never went back to school sooner than I have. Well I am correcting that problem now! I am doing very well if I may say so myself. I am averaging "A's" in all my classes except one and it is a "B". So to say the least I am happy for a change and strangely enough stressed in a good way!
I am playing tennis again. I am really enjoying it. My form is starting to return. I play Saturday mornings with a whole group of folks. We constantly make random teams and play doubles most of the morning. There are all kinds of range levels in terms of skill. Newbies to advanced players are what is represented in my Saturday morning double group. I fall under the advanced category luckily.
I am struggling with my food intake lately. This week I reached the one year anniversary of my gastric bypass. I am grazing here and there which is not a good thing. Luckily enough I am active enough to keep ahead of it. My intake of food is still tiny compared to the average thin human being. I just don't like the fact that old habits are trying to assert themselves. Well I knew it would be a battle from the beginning. I shall conquer it! I am still loosing weight but it has slowed down greatly. I loose a pound or two every couple of months now. I could really severely cut back and loose a bit more quickly but I don't know if I am up for torturing myself either.
There is so much to tell. I have had so many changes occurring as of the last few months. I will just have to tell it a bit at a time! See ya soon!

Been A While...

2004-11-10T07:24:00.000-06:00

It has been a while since I posted. I seem to be so busy lately. My grandmother has been very ill. She has been suffering with kidney and back problems. Her pain is so great. The doctors seem like idiots. They can't even seem to temporarily alleviate her pain. I could just scream at em. Friday is my last day at work. It seems like I gave notice about 4 weeks ago. I am hardly ever there with all these problems with my grandmother. I have to keep care of her. Well I have a bad problem coming up. I am an everquest addict. I now play EQ2 which is so wonderful. Recently though i have been playing on the World of Warcraft beta and loving it even more than eq2. Whiney is me. Whatever shall I do. I am not going to pay to play two games and most likely one get shoved to the side while I play on the other more. I am going to have to sacrifice. *shivers* I want it all!

Wonderful...

2004-11-01T13:08:00.000-06:00

Well I am feeling very spiritually fulfilled at the moment. My grove mates and I and had a wonderful Samhain last night. It was so beautiful and touching. Our bonds grow ever stronger. I am so proud to have them in my life. I am taking my path into my own hands. School here I come.

Samhain...

2004-10-31T07:09:00.000-06:00

Samhain is here. I am so excited and exhilarated. Today my grove mates and I gather to carve our pumpkins and sup together. We celebrate our ancestors and give reverence. Hail Gods and Goddess' of the Celtic Nations! The veil is thin. I went out just a few moments ago and could feel the otherworldly energies while observing the morning mists.

Back To School I Go...

2004-10-29T20:15:00.000-05:00

Well I am heading back to school! Woot! I am so happy about it. I found a way to finance my education! School here I come. I turn in my notice Monday at Mobile Municipal Court. Screw the court from hell! Free Free Free!!! LOL. Sorry I am a bit exuberant at the moment.

Getting To Be That Time...

2004-10-27T11:23:00.001-05:00

Samhain is almost here. I can't wait. My grove-sister and I are building up and holding on to our energies like greedy little pigs. Our Samhain ritual and celebration lasts a minimum of 4 hours. Usually we make 6 hours without a thought so we need all the energy we can get. Unfortunately I am still having adjustment issues since that darn Gall bladder removal. So my energies are a bit inconsistent at the moment. That is the reason I am off today because I ate a bit of breaky and have been sick and in pain ever since. I had to call in to work and let em know I would not be in today. I am so anticipating returning to school. I am trying to keep my hope down to a reasonable level just in case something interferes with my return. I will not be staying with Municipal Court anyway it goes. I am very directed in focused on the path I need to take. I am taking that path one way or another.

Nice Day...

2004-10-24T20:10:00.000-05:00

Well today I got a Playstation 2. It is not the usual PS2. It is a thin small version. Very nice. I can't wait to open it at Yule. I have never owned a PS2. This is my first. Can't wait. Already bought a game for it. Star Ocean looked fun. I love rpg's. I find myself grazing a bit lately. Need to get that habit back under control. Don't want to put back on any weight. Wouldn't be a good thing. That is the worst battle I face daily. Those old eating habits. Well I am confident I can conquer it.

Anticipation...

2004-10-21T18:01:00.000-05:00

I have been working on arranging private funding for my education. I can't seem to get my financial aid back. Oh, well. Most students take out student loans to get them through school. No reason for me to be any different. I can't wait. Two months and I will be free of Mobile Municipal Court, third rate supervisors and the daily mouthings of criminals. Almost free. Can't wait. I am so hyper about it. Woot! Maybe I can be out a week or two before Yule. That would be lovely. A bit of time to rest and recover. To enter school feeling rested and prepared would be a great thing.

Celebration...

2004-10-16T08:34:00.000-05:00

Well today is the day my cousin Jay was born back in 1979. I helped raise him starting around the age of 12 or so. He has grown up to be such a strong wonderful man. I am so proud of him. I just wish I could find the strenght to be like him. He doesn't let things get to him like how they get to me. He would have handled the turning down of the financial aid far better than I have handled it. No tears. He would have just went to work finding another way. I am going to do the same....but always there is that space of worry and stress over the failure or great change. He seems to be able to just put his head down and keep barrelling on. I worry I will loose sight of him because I have to stop and think. Nothing I can do about it. I am me and he is himself....Well for now he is still in sight and in my life. We are going to enjoy his birthday tonight. We are going to all gather at his home and have a LAN party! Woot!

Always Searching...

2004-10-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

I am always searching. With searching comes some disappointment. Well I am always searching for a better job in terms of stress level. I wish to escape the demon pit called Municipal Court. So I went and got back on the rolls for others jobs I am eligible for...I passed my tests and therefore I am just waiting for the interviews. I will be on the rolls for a year. One goal I strived for has been reached. My disappointment recently came in my second goal. I can't seem to get any financial aid to get back into college. I am just plain out of it. Apparently you can't have a bad youth in terms of college and get a second chance. I am going to pay for my youthful stupidity for the rest of my life in terms of college. I can't afford it. I can't get financial aid. I can't get my teaching degree. I ran to the bathroom today at work and cried. I am still trying to find a way to get into school. I am so deflated at the moment. My depression is heading back into the basement though. I can feel the darkness enveloping me. Anyone up for sponsoring a very focused responsible adult who would love to teach?! LOL

Transaction...

2004-10-07T22:23:00.000-05:00

Well my best friend and I are pretty much prepared for our conference we had a hand in creating and planning. Transaction is the name and it is occurring this weekend. Transaction is a conference about the third gender, transgender. My best friend is transgender and I go where she goes. She asked for my help with the conference and I gladly volunteered to assist her. We are going to have a good time. The conference is being held at Camp Sister Spirit near Ovett, Mississippi. We are going to have a few talks and a bunch of relaxing social things to do. A place to just be together and enjoy each others company. I turned in my appeal to get financial aid eligibility reinstated so I can return to school. I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying to the Goddess every day about success with my appeal. I am at the x-roads in my life where I must create change for the good or I must languish and sit around to no avail and be miserable. I choose to take the road to success. Change must come. The road will not be easy at all...but...nothing ever comes easy. I am ready whatever comes of it.

Another Day...

2004-10-04T22:14:00.000-05:00

I had a nice day today. I spent time with my grovesister Leslie. We shared our thoughts, dreams and emotions throughout the day. We had a cleansing basically. I certainly needed it. She needed the cleansing also. We burned incense and read in silence for a bit. My grove brother got home and we all had a nice super together. A little while later I headed home. I need my beauty rest for tomorrow. I am finally getting over this surgery. It has been nice to actually be out of this house. I have been tired and still hurt. The pain has lessened finally. The swelling is going down noticeably. I should be ready to go back to the pit of hell and demons next week I guess. Well can't win em all. At least my time is limited with the city of mobile as an employee. I am going back to school one way or another this January.

Life Decision...

2004-10-04T01:42:00.000-05:00

Well I have made a decision in my life. I want to go back to school and become a teacher. I was a substitute teacher some years ago and really enjoyed it. I have desired to return to that type of environment. In order to do that I have to become a certified teacher. I know I would make a wonderful teacher. I want to teach second or third grade. During those years the children are coming out of that baby phase and they are not yet in that hormonally challenged phase. They are smart, bright and a joy to be around during that certain set of years. I want this so bad. I registered to get back in to school and have been accepted. Now if I can just get my financial aid eligibility back. When I left school about 7 years ago I was burned out. I left school with my grades hurting also. I failed myself and my family back then. I know you are saying 7 years isn't that long. I was in my mid 20's then. Now I am in my mid 30's. I had no focus back then. My depression and emotions ruled me then. I have now had two main jobs that have helped bring focus into my life. I was a substitute teacher and I am currently a court clerk. These jobs brought focus and stability to my life. I am simply not the person I was seven years ago. I have matured and focused and I am certainly ready for this life change. I am eager for it. Goddess help me find my way on this path I have chosen. May your hand lovingly guide and protect me. So Bless It BE! So Mote It BE!

It's October!!!

2004-10-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

I love October! October is my favorite month. My favorite month right in the middle of my favorite season which is Autumn. Samhain is almost here. It is the Ancient Celtic Holiday that represents New Years for those Celtic followers of today and those ancients of the past. It is a time to revere the ancestors. It is a holiday of life and death. The veil is thinnest at this time of year. You can easily crossover into the mists. My grovemates and I are just brimming with Autumn vibrance. We are all decorated up for the secular Halloween and we are also spiritually decorated for our own religious holiday. Samhain isn't some god of the dead as some propagandist would have you believe. As a matter of fact in Ireland the word is still used today. Why is the word still used today? Well after all in Gaelic Samhain means literally November not some heebeejeebee god of the deep dark underworld. Sorry about that just had to dispel some of the lies that are floating around there that irk me. I can't wait to get my pumpkin and decorate it. I would love to do a fall altar out in the yard but it just isn't possible in my neighborhood to do that. Maybe I will have a home somewhere else one day soon where I can do those things. My grovemates and I are steadily looking for a home. As a matter of fact we found a little Paganesque home we like and are checking on it as we speak. Well I see John Kerry held his on against the Great Divider last night. Woot! Anything but a Bush even a pile of cow shit. A pile of cow shit has more potential than that monkey Bush.

Can't Sleep...

2004-09-26T02:44:00.000-05:00

Well I can't seem to stay asleep. I am still hurting a bit. My pain is much better than it was earlier. Not only was I in pain around the area of my surgery but my neck and shoulders were very sore and stiff today. It has kind of kept me on edge all day. The lortab hasn't been easing the pain as it should it has only taken the edge off of it. I guess that I will just have to get by with that level of relief from the lortab. I can survive it I guess. I just would like to have some full pain relief. I guess I would have to be knocked out to get that kind of relief. Just watched a bit of TV today and resumed normal foods once the 24 hour mark was passed since I came out of surgery. It was so nice to have solid food I was getting sick of having soup. I bought the Sims 2 before my surgery in hopes I would be able to play it a bit while I am out from work recovering from this surgery. I created a house with four men occupying it. I am going for a big gay love fest. Hopefully I can have em married out by mid-October.

Falling Apart...LOL

2004-09-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

Well I survived my surgery. I no longer have a gall bladder thanks to my great surgeon. I arrived at the hospital at 8:30 in the morning. Doctor Weinstein, who did my gastric bypass also, got called up for an emergency around 11 or so and was not free until about 2pm. I had to wait all day. I couldn't get comfy while I waited. My IV hurt a bit in my hand and my mother was driving me slap crazy. She was fussing that no one told us my doc had an emergency. I was fine with it. I figured he had an emergency. I just accepted it. My mother was driving my anxiety and stress level up through the rough. I told her to shut her mouth twice and warned her that is I spoke up a third time she would be escorted to the waiting area to just wait by herself. Tada! She couldn't keep that mouth shut. Bye Bye Momma! I called the nurse and asked them to escort her to the front and could they help me with the little bit of pain I was having with the IV. The staff was great. They were very friendly and helped me whenever I need it or just had a simple question. Dr. Weinstein came around at about 3 and by 3:35 I was in the operating room. It was freezing in there. It couldn't have been above 60 degrees. Next thing you know I am being awakened as they rolled me into recovery. I was shivering all over and trying to breath. I couldn't stop the shivering...though eventually it just went away little by little. I was covered in blankets. They kept encouraging me to watch my breathing. So I was working on making sure I was breathing in a good even pattern. After a while I was breathing fine and the shivering was completely gone. I became more alert and comfy. I started feeling human again. I hate that drugged up feeling you get before and after surgery. It is a misery. I got a couple of shots of morphine for the soreness I was experiencing in my side. My side was hurting pretty good there. I chatted with a really nice nurse about Mediterranean foods we had a shared like for. I babble about all kinds of things. The babbling helped my mind get clear and helped get my comfort level up. At one point a cute male nurse walked by and paused to check on the patient next to me. I told the nurse that I was chatting with that he was cute and to go tell him I am single. I told her don't tell me if he is straight or anything It would dash my hopes that his cuteness by itself was making me feel better. As you can see I was feeling more my usual self I was terrorizing already. She dashed my hopes and told me was married with guppies in tow. Oh, well...He was still cute though. Nothing says I can't admire and harmlessly flirt...LOL Well eventually I got the nerve to get up and walk. I was scared to because of the pain. I am a wuss when it comes to pain. I had been drinking diet sprite a lot trying to get my desire to urinate up and going. The old bladder wouldn't wake up. It took me nearly 2 and half hours to get it going. I had three goals to accomplish before they would let me go. The first goal was to ingest liquids without the liquid coming back up. Got through that one easy enough. The second goal was to walk around and tolerate the pain associated with the walking. Once I got up for the first walk I was up ten more times just trying to pee. The last was to make sure my bladder and kidneys were still alive. That took a bit longer. Eventually I was able to pee. So I was out at 9:30 pm in the evening on Sep. 24, 2004. For a quick out patient procedure it seemed to take forever! LOL

Not So Great Time...

2004-09-23T21:50:00.000-05:00

Well I had been having some minor pains before the hurricane hit in my back and abdominal area in line with my new stomach. I was worried I had an ulcer or acid reflux. I was wrong. The day before Ivan hit I was diagnosed with gall stones. I am having surgery tomorrow to remove my gall bladder. Oh how lovely this is going to be. I hate that drugged up feeling before and after a surgery. I know I know...Get over it. Its a small price to pay for being pain free. The pain has been bad this week so better now than later when it could be ten times worse. Goddess protect and guide me through this whole thing. I am exhausted with all that has been going on. Hurricanes, gall stones, work, money...its all just weighing on my shoulders at the moment. Sometimes I feel I could collapse under the weight of all that has been going on. I am so tired.

Still Alive...

2004-09-21T21:32:00.001-05:00

Well we came out very well compared to most in the area. The whole central gulf coast is devastated. Ivan did a thorough job. My home came out spotless when compared to most others. My grandfathers house sustained some roof, ceiling, and minor floor damage. We have power now, well except for my grandmother, but she is staying with us so that is no big deal. I have been run ragged with cleaning, repairing, arranging, and work. I am exhausted pretty much. Today is my first day to actually do catch up on my internet activities. Funny my first day for me is a sick day. On the 14th of September I was diagnosed with gall stones. I was worried something was wrong with my gastric bypass like an ulcer or acid reflux but instead I have to now have major surgery to remove my gall bladder. Lovely...But hey it will fix this aggravating pain I have been having. It seems that lately it is just one thing after another. I really need a sabbatical. I wouldn't mind being an anchor doing spiritual duties in a solitary environment. Well I can wish can't I?

For a While...

2004-09-14T17:47:00.000-05:00

Well this will be my last posting for a bit I suspect. Ivan is about crash down upon us and cause all kinds of chaos for many days to come. I can't get my family to make up its mind on leaving or staying. They are driving me bats. I may just have to leave em and head out. Wish you all well out there who are going through this very same thing. My thoughts are with you all. I hope i can get through this. My nerves are completely ruined at this point. Blessed Be.

Arrogance...grrrr!!!

2004-09-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

You know. We have a hurricane coming at us that is a category 5. The city of mobile slave drivers who have city workers and lots of slaves to board up their houses have ordered us house slaves to stay at work through tuesday leaving us zero ability to get ready our on homes. There is a reason why I will never work for the city of mobile once i am gone. The arrogant stupidity of the administration and the stupid folks they choose to run these departments. Revolt! Throw down the city! Throw down the great betrayer of UU principles himself! Down with the mayor and his evil ways!

It's going to be one of those weeks...

2004-09-13T07:07:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and found that stupid storm out near Cuba is going to hit us possibly! I am full of nerves. I hate it when hurricane season comes around it ruins my nerves. I now have to go to work and sit there all day unable to do anything to prep the house for this storm. If need be I can tell my vile nasty bosses tough luck I am out of here tomorrow and go handle prepping my home and other business. My family and I are probably going to either go to a shelter or travel to arkansas and stay with family. I just don't know. I am already on edge. Goddess help me through this. Goddess above and below help my family and friends get through this safely. As it is above. So it is below. So Blessed Be. So Mote it Be.

Whew!!!

2004-09-11T11:07:00.000-05:00

Whew...been a while since I posted. I have been a bit busy. My trainee is finally getting the job down. That is such a relief. All the supervisors are unchanged. They are still whacked out power mongering freaks. I hate them. It is sad to say...but I really do hate them. Well this weekend I am going to relax. Screw Municipal Court! I am going to have fun tonight. My Grove mates and I are heading out to Camp Sister Spirit for a nice potluck and a relaxing very spiritual drumming circle. I can't wait. Woot!

Nice Day...

2004-09-08T20:35:00.000-05:00

Had a good day at work. None of the supervisors were under me or my trainee. We got our work done. My desk is clean. It is unusual for me to have work sitting around on my desk. With my trainee up under me I had little piles of this and that work that really nagged at the corner of my mind. Finally that nagging is gone! Woot! Sitting here waiting for Reno911 to come on comedy central. I love that show. It is one my current top faves. I love South Park and Queer as Folk also. I am a big fan of Stargate SG-1. Well need to get back to the TV...Law and Order is on. A mainstay for anyone I figure. Ciao!

Blah!

2004-09-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

Another day in the slave pit is over. I hate that place. My supervisors are freaks from hell. Well what can you expect from mentally deranged power mongering freaks. I can't wait to be free from the city of Mobile slave pit. I did do a couple of nice things today. I ate lunch with a wonderful co-worker of mine who helps keep me going every day. She and I chatted and enjoyed exploring a nice local independent bookstore. I got 4 books for 8 dollars today. Bienville Books is the name of the little shop. The guy who owns the store is a really nice guy. He has even found me a few Pagan books. I like doing business with him. Very welcoming and professional. It sure was windy here today. I am guessing the windiness is residue from what was hurricane Frances.

Nice Visit...

2004-09-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

Had a nice today with my friend who has long been in D.C. It was wonderful. We fell into those old comfortable patterns without a second thought. I am so relieved to know the foundation of our friendship has withstood time and distance. Well I am going to get back to watching Stargate SG-1. I love that show. Blessed Be.

Still Asleep...

2004-09-06T08:59:00.000-05:00

Just woke up. My body is moving but I can't seem to get the mind to come around. It wants to snooze some more. Well it can't I have a dear friend coming in for a visit. She had moved to D.C. some years ago and is finally moving closer. She is currently moving to somewhere in north Alabama. She is hoping she will be able to move back to Mobile. I miss her friendship.

Decadence...

2004-09-05T21:58:00.000-05:00

Hi All! Went to the boats tonight. Won a bit of money. Had a great time with my adopted family. We had a nice drive back from the boats. We listened to Echoes on National Public Radio on the way back. It was very relaxing. We are lucky we didn't fall asleep on the road. Frances has us all nervous. We are very hurricane shy around here. We tend to get very nervous when a depression or tropical storm pops up anywhere out there. Well we will just have to wait it out till the end.

Tired of the Hate...

2004-09-02T22:21:00.000-05:00

Watched the politicians/preachers tonight. One in the same these days. Liars all of them. Power over the people is their motto. I am saddened the people just don't wipe it all clean and start over. Freedom is almost totally gone. But then we are now a totally divided country. The people can't do a thing when they are in one pocket or the other. *sigh* Had a crappy day at work. I hate my co-workers. I am angry with their bigotry and ignorance. I am tired of it. My supervisors are either stupid or power hungry. They preach at you and play gospel crap all day. I have stopped coddling them and play my own music and tell em not to talk to me on that topic anymore. The city of Mobile has lost the privilege to have me as an employee. Once I am back in school for my teaching degree I will never go back. I can't wait to be gone from the city. Horrid place to work.

So Need Sleep...

2004-09-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

Boy...My day was rough. Got a trainee tailing me around everywhere. She is spoiled and lazy. I would like to point out that she admits these these two issues concerning herself. I had court today. They were bad in court today. Lots of noise and disruption before the magistrate got on the bench. I had to threaten to leave the courtroom till they could behave. Well they finally got settled down and court went from there. I got home and then had to head right back out the door with my aunt and her two grandbabies. Her car was broke down and she needed to go grocery shopping. I had to play stern uncle Craig to them to keep em in line. They did pretty good. Now i am sitting here bored and tired. I think I am going to crash now.

Days End...

2004-08-31T21:10:00.000-05:00

Well I made it through the day...barely. One of my trainees is giving me issue. She is a bit immature at times. Nothing negative has happened really. She can just try your patience like you would not believe. I Have to speak to her like a stern teacher to a child. Hmmm...Well I am sitting here watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. QEftSG is a wonderful show. I love it. It is funny yet at the same time they are helping to bring these guys fun change and challenge into their lives. I so want to go to Decadence in New Orleans this weekend. *sigh* I just can't afford it. Nothing new there. The story of my life. I asked the Goddess to help me find my center in the every day world. Some days it is such a challenge. My Ban Draoi sister and I are trying to work on bringing the Goddess and our faith into our everyday life even more than what it is already. Some days every day life tends to drag us away from our spirit. We really need to bring the triad of our mind, body and soul together and achieve that wonderful balance to guide us through our everyday life.

Another day...

2004-08-30T22:35:00.000-05:00

Another day is now gone. I had a nice day at work. I am training my replacement. Soon I shall be moved to a new position in the office. Once I get my replacement trained I can move to my new position. I am not sure how I view my move. No promotion or raise and a lot more work in an even more stressful environment than where I am at. I might probe around and see if I can turn this down. I do not have a future with the city of Mobile and I certainly have no interest in this "promotion". I plan on getting back into school as soon I can settle my personal finance a bit more and find a source of funding. I want to become a teacher. I was a substitute teacher for a while. I primarily subbed in elementary schools and I loved it. The kids were great. It was wonderful being there and feeling I was contributing. It was tough. It was a challenge. It was great. I sat down with my adopted family tonight for a nice esbat celebration. The moon was full. We meditated and voiced our thoughts and ideas about our future. We had a nice night. We felt centered and at peace tonight.

Up and About...

2004-08-28T11:50:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone. I just got up in the last hour or so. I didn't get home till 3a.m. in the morning. I stayed up most the night into the early hours of the morning helping my cousin set up his web site. Had some issues with the message board setup. *bleh* Well now i have to head back out there. I am still tired. I want to sleep. *snore* See ya later.

Ahhh....Its Friiidayyyy!

2004-08-27T14:07:00.000-05:00

It is Friday. That wonderful most favored day of the week. It is finally here and I am ready to go. Work has been very slow and relaxed today. I have been enjoying the day. I had a nice lunch at a local restaraunt called Busaba's. Busaba's is a nice little Thai Restaraunt. It is no Basil Leaf Cafe but it is good enough for Mobile. I went with a friend I made at work. She got a promotion and moved to the other side of government plaza. We are walking partners also. I got back from luch to find the court in total chaos. The computers had gone down and we couldn't get anything done. Luckily for me I had ran my docket and others incidentals in the morning and could at least do some of my work. Well got to run. The computers just got back up. Time to finish with a Flourish. Goddess get me through the day!

Nice Evening...

2004-08-26T21:32:00.000-05:00

Well I had a nice day at work today. Hard work with low stress thank goodness. I got home this evening and went right back out the door. I went to visit my cousin Jay. I stepped into the position of a big brother/semisortafather type of roll in his life when he was just a kid. He is all grown up now. He makes me so proud. He is a strong independent man. He is stronger than I will ever be. He will do things in life that I just can't do. I am so proud of him. Yet, I am a bit envious I don't have that inner strength to raise myself up. I fear he will disappear from my life one day. I try not to invade his life to much yet I feel myself wanting to cling to him for his steadiness and strength. Ok. I think I shall move onto another topic. This is going to make me tear up. Well while I was visiting with Jay this evening we checked out webhosting. He purchased a domain name and site hosting for his site he is wanting to build. He is building a site for a game he loves to play. Lineage 2 is the game. He is making a site for his in-game clan. A clan is a group of folks who organize themselves in the game to help each other and achieve certain goals. A clan is also a good way to socialize while you play. I was thinking I may just buy myself a domain name and some site hosting and build myself a nice little website. I could host myself a blog on it. I could have a message board and a nice website about myself and things I like. I am going to investigate that.

Evening Has Finally Come

2004-08-25T20:01:00.000-05:00

Finally home and relaxing. I have been playing Final Fantasy X this evening. I borrowed it from my cousin about 6 months ago to play while I was recovering from my gastric bypass. I play it off and on trying to get it beat. He accusses me of never finishing my rpg's. I never finished FF VII. So I want to prove him wrong. I have been trying to figure out how to change the format of my blog a bit. There is a lot of unused space to the left and right of the main body of the my blog. I would like to use the full space that is available. I am no web page person so it is not like I can just tweak the html. I have to find programs or guides to babysit me through it. So far no luck. OH I can find information but for some reason this evening it is like reading a foreign language. Maybe I am just to tired to deal with it. I can post pictures now but that is about it. Maybe I need to just host the site on my own web space and use Frontpage to do with it what I wish. That would definetely allow me more control over my blog. I think I will read a bit then crash on into dream land. I am yawning as I type this. Evening All.

Finally

2004-08-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

Well I got all my work pretty much caught up. I just have a few odds and ends to put together and get off my desk. The interruption in my daily routine this morning has been pretty much overcome. I am sitting here eating lunch. My lunch consists of a hamburger patty and a couple of ounces of some mixed veggies covered in a cheese sauce. My meals are much smaller now than they were 6 months ago. I had a gastric bypass back in February. Now six months laters I am turning into a post. I weighed 357 pounds when I went in for my surgery. Now I weigh in at 254 pounds. Still got about 63 pounds to loose. Even if my weight loss stopped now and I just simply maintained the weight I am at I would be extremely happy. My life as I recall it has been returned to me. I do things now I wouldn't have ever considered six months ago. I ran to my car today which is something I wouldn't have considered six months ago. Life! It is mine to live! Yes! Praise the Gods and Goddesses. Hail Dana! Hail Bel! Hail Dagda! Hail Bridget! Hail Lugh! Hail Epona! Sorry just got kinda overcome with thanks and felt I should speak it out to the world. Catch you later.

A Rollercoaster Ride

2004-08-25T10:15:00.000-05:00

Today has been a rollercoaster ride already and it is not even noon yet. I came into work to only leave 45 minutes later to take a typing test to get back on the roll with the Mobile County personnel board. I am not happy where I am now. I am currently an Office Assistan I with the city of Mobile. Actually I am a court clerk and magistrate with the city of Mobile. The city just calls us OAI to make sure we stay underpaid and underappreciated. They get a good half a days free work out of us. They are lucky we don't rise up in open revolt for their continual ignorance and stupidity. Our mayor is a Unitarian Universalist who pretends to be a Methodist for political purposes. Shame on him for failing the teachings of Unitarian Universalist Faith! Compassion and Love! Hah! He wouldn't know compassion or love if they slapped him in his ugly mug. He has failed his own self in that regard and I shall refrain from any further comment on that issue. Maybe my day will get better. Goddess please let it get better.

The Mother In All Her Beauty...

2004-08-24T20:06:00.000-05:00

I found this on a nice Pagan graphics web site and felt it would be nice on my blog.

My First Time...

2004-08-24T19:26:00.000-05:00

Well I found this site and thought this would be an interesting experience to try. Share yourself with the world I said. Hah! I can't even figure out how to set up the page. I want a nice page with graphics and pics. I hope I can figure this out soon. Well it might be a good idea to introduce myself. My name is Craig. I live in the Deep South, Mobile, Alabama to be precise. I hope to share more of myself in the days to come on Blogger.com. Catch you later.

The Old Ways

Ode to Comcast...

We are Complicit In the Murder of Benazir Bhutto

Bigotry at Blizzard ( World of Warcraft )...We don't allow confident feminine boys around this joint!

Freedom!?!? Not Anymore!!!

Blogger Beta?? Eh...

What an Experience!

Ok...........

Self Reflection...

*sigh* New Addiction....

Yum!

It Has Been A Long While...

Been A While...

Thoughts And Such...

Feeling Good!

Test Anxiety...

Back to Routine...

Hard Times...

Damn Storms!!!

Been A While...

Woot!

Tired...

Chaos!

I Feel Ugly...

Blog Time...

Tired!

Sad...

Been A While...

Good News...

Nice Day...

Bleh!

Nice Few Days...

Endings...

Almost Done...

Nice Weekend...

Tired In A Good Way...

Tough Week...

Whew! What a Day!

It's Raining Men!!!

Return to the Land of the Living...

Poor Woman...

Been Busy...

CoastCon Out Of Control...

Worried...

Tired and Grumpy...

Rough Day...

CoastCon Sucked!!!

CoastCon

Interesting Day...

One Year...

Exhausted...

Change...

Been A While...

Wonderful...

Samhain...

Back To School I Go...

Getting To Be That Time...

Nice Day...

Anticipation...

Celebration...

Always Searching...

Transaction...

Another Day...

Life Decision...

It's October!!!

Can't Sleep...

Falling Apart...LOL

Not So Great Time...

Still Alive...

For a While...

Arrogance...grrrr!!!

It's going to be one of those weeks...

Whew!!!

Nice Day...

Blah!

Nice Visit...

Still Asleep...

Decadence...

Tired of the Hate...

So Need Sleep...

sigh New Addiction....